The Happy, The Confusing, The Angry

There are lots of things to think about today, many of they I won't talk about, but will write about.
We'll start with the ANGRY:
1. Jealousy, It makes me furious when people try to make me do worse, act like I'm not losing weight, try to get me to cheat, but this is when I am the strongest! These are the people that I will silently thank in my head once I reach my goal weight. Now that I'm not FAT anymore, people are acting like I shouldn't lose anymore weight. Some eat MORE than Andy (yes it's possible I have seen it) and then say they will go run for 10 minutes, while trying to shove food into my face to make me fail. My favorite is... Well you can't be smaller than me... then we tried on stuff and I am! I even came out of the dressing room to show how the smaller size fit me perfectly while buttoning up was impossible on a bigger size for her. Umf! Be jealous on your own time! and don't try to put me down because I'm running a lot and eating healthy! That's why I'm losing. It's not like I'm naturaly skinny! I've heard is that all you're going to eat? Yes because that is a proper portion! When are you gonna eat some real food? Like fajitas for 2 with extra shells Tons of sour cream guacamole and most of the chips and salsa.(I have seen it all disappear in one sitting) no thanks I think I'll pass on the extra 10lbs.
2. More JEALOUSY. Why do people always want what I have. I never want what YOU have! Maybe if you'd get better stuff I would want it! I've had to knock chicks off of Andy since the day we met, but now that the wedding gets closer, it's like ALL WOMEN are freaking out and want to steal him, this will never happen. Andy loves me more than football! He loves me more than deer! He even loves me so much he said he will go horse back riding in the mountains with me! (He HATES horses more than anything! even more than Bats) He loves everything about me! even when I got fat! He's 100 times sweeter at home, even loving things that I love because I love them (like my kitties) He gives me hugs and loves on me and sends me sweet e-mails, and bosses me around! and buys me suprises, and takes care of me! and gives me everything I want! It's a little hard to ignore all of the crazy freaks, but once we leave an area, these people are never thought of again. I just wonder if it will get worse once we are married? Don't these chicks watch Opera and Dr. Phil! They NEED to! Lol!

The HAPPY
1. Today I am down 21.6 since last August. I only have 20 more lbs to go. My goal weight is not the skinniest I've been, but the weight I was 5 years ago when I met Andy. This weight allows me to look good in a bikini, no rolls, and still keep the "goods" When I first started and I had 40 lbs to lose it was very overwhelming. 40lbs is a LOT. Now, I think about 20 more and that's nothing. I am 20 lbs overweight! I can live with that! But now that I know how I personally should lose weight I will work until it's all gone! I've lost a bunch! That's 20 packages of hamburger meat. I can't even bicep curl 20 lbs! I wanted to lose 20 before the wedding and I have! That's what is so rewarding. I set a goal and I met it! I have tried for about 5 years to lose all the extra baggage and now I am! Exciting
2. 23 days left until I am Mrs. Crystal Knight! As the wedding approaches Andy becomes sweeter and sweeter! We are both very excited. The wedding doesn't excite him as much as me but our honeymoon activities do! All that is left for the wedding is confirmation! Things must be picked up, payed for, planned, but all small things.
3. I have a super fun suprise for Andy's B-day this weekend, it just cases for me to keep some secrets, steal something, and do a tiny little illegal thing. The plan goes down TOMORROW. I'll put a cherry on top and he will LOVE IT! Let's hope I don't get caught!

The CONFUSING
1. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I see the extra 20lbs still on. Some sort of mental distortion. Although the scale and sizes say I'm smaller, every now and then It's like my mind is remembering... and in the mirror I have not lost any weight. I have heard people talk about this body dismorphic thing, but never thought it was like this. This is REAL, when I look in the mirror I am super fat again. Sometimes I look great. This is the majority of the time, I will look in the mirror and go WOW! I can't believe I have lost that much! Very strange and confusing, like the mirror is telling me lies to be mean!

When will it END!

The dieting.... The agony.... The hunger. Leaves me crawling on the floor with little energy... my last word slowly whispered... "Cheese B...u.r.g...e..r." I'm so tired of stressing over how many calories? how much protein? Not eating enough fat. Can't eat sugar! Why can't the rest of the world just eat 10 cheeseburgers a day, then I would be the skinniest woman in the WORLD! So I think I'll spend the rest of the day coming up with some addicting new receipe to make the world instantly fat... Perhaps I should add something highly addicting... Or maybe I should just be happy that I can afford the tons of food that made me fat! After all I heard there were starving children in Africa. They would think I was RICH if they saw big girl walking down the street. Or perhaps they'd jump me thinking I was a piggy... I think I'll put $2.00 in a jar everytime I want to cheat on my diet that'll teach me! But first I need to find an organization for the starving kids... somewhere to donate my millions that will end up in that jar!
It's only about 20 more pounds to go... NOT BAD! NOT BAD!

P.S. The wedding dress makes me look fat, not my fat, but the dress!!:)

Feeling Good in the Neighborhood

I started the Nutrisystem two weeks ago, mainly out of desperation and because I loved Joe Millionaire... Well the truth is that it works just like the commercial says. I've dropped 5.4lbs in 2 weeks with little effort and some cheating, that I couldn't help (Morgan's 1st B-day party. I have also been sick with a severe kidney infection, that the doctor informed me "if it hurts anymore than it does now go to the ER" So running and weights is the last thing on my mind this week. Yet it's melting away, like it was never there in the beginning. This morning I looked in the mirror, very please with myself, after seeing the scale say numbers that I had forgotten exisited (I think I learned them in Kindergarten) I am at the goal I said months ago that I HAD to get to before the wedding. Although I am VERY pleased with myself and my current condition, I think I'll be pulling for bikini season and 30 less lbs. My hair is actually growing again! Thanks to the botin vitamins I have been taking! and all wedding duties are now falling right into place! And to top everything off I might have a day off tomorrow! IF it really does snow! Could I have a better day?